The Not-So-Lost Sheep

The Not-So-Lost Sheep

Sometimes things just speak to us, and I feel like "elevenoclockish" pretty much sums up the way I feel.  I'm happy in my life, but I often get caught in what I don't have, and certainly look forward to having my "lunch", or the next steps in life.  And so one day last winter I had an epiphany about what it means to be lost, and how sometimes we're not lost when we think we are.

I was on my way to my uncle's farm from my grandparents after Christmas to do some target practice.  I was driving and had the usual doubts about where the turn is off the highway.  The turn off is near Stuart Land and Cattle, but that's a pretty wide area, and I picked the wrong road.  Well, not necessarily the wrong road, as they're all connected, but not the shortest route.  I had told my uncle I would be there at a certain time, and since he loves to tease I could hear him laughing at me already for being lost.  But as always I want to be right, and I was thinking up my argument, that I wasn't lost, I just wasn't where I wanted to be.  I swear there was a light bulb over my head; this is the perfect metaphor for my life!  

I'm not lost.  I know who I am, I know God's plan, I try and follow Him in faith.  I have a good job, a good education, good friends.  I bought my own house before I turned 30, I've paid off my car, my health is decent enough.  I enjoy my callings, my coworkers, and I get to spend a lot of time with my family.  Honestly I could go on for awhile about all the good things in my life.

But being happy with life is not the same as knowing where you are, and it's taken me a long time to figure that out.  I'm not where I want to be, and I can't change that right now.  I can't make a husband magically appear, I can't snap my fingers and give myself a child, and I may not live in the area I've always wanted to.  And yet I'm on the right path.  I'm on a road that might take longer and have a lot of different turns then I was expecting, but I'm still on the right road!

So no, I'm not where most of the people are in my ward.  Yes, I still live in Chesterfield County.  Sure, my biological clock is making that ticking sound you hear right before a bomb goes off.  I'll still continue to get pangs of sadness when I see a couple holding hands; I'll still feel the ache of longing to be a mother, but as long as I stay on the right path, I'm not lost.  Michael Buble tells us that, but most important our Heavenly Father tells us that.  He's promised that we can always have His Spirit to be with us as we keep our covenants.  

I tell you this because for those of you who are in the same boat I am in, all is not lost!  Your'e not lost!  I told a client one time that a lot of people were in the same boat he was in, and he promptly told me that he wanted to get off that boat.  I can relate to that.

And if you're not in my boat, maybe you can get a little more insight into what we single LDS people go through.  Maybe you can understand why many of us women work and have careers, get more education; that we're not putting things off, we're just not there yet.

I promise, we're not all lost!

So this is it.  I've finally started this blog, after creating the page months ago.  And the first thing I did was dangle a participle.
That's okay, I'm sure I'm not the only one who does it. Maybe that will make you more comfortable reading it.  The blog being it.  Enough of that.

I don't have any cool kid stories.  I'm not a cool kid nor do I have any.  I'm not fashionable enough to show style and my craft creations are slight variations of what I find on Pinterest.  Being single my dinners usually consist of the quickest meals, which if I have something to do that night could possibly be cereal.  I don't take pictures of people very often, mostly just landscapes or old stuff.  I'm not in primary anymore so I don't have neat examples of lessons, and in young women's sometimes I feel like I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

You may be wondering then why I decided to write a blog.  Well, for a different form of journaling I suppose, but I've invited the general public to read this part of my life because there are some things I can offer a bit of a different perspective on.

So if this were AA, and since we all need some kind of recovery at some point in our lives, I'm going to pretend like it is, I would introduce myself in this fashion:

My name is Rebecca, and I'm a single Mormon.

But that's not what this blog is about.  It's just part of who I am, and it will creep up now and then.  I do have a myriad of thoughts on the topic but I'm not sure I'd have any married mom friends at church anymore if I wrote an entire post on the subject, but you will see it mentioned.  

In fact there are several things that may be helpful for you to know about me: 

I'm a Vocational Rehabilitation Counselor (type that five times fast, I'm pretty sure I misspell it all the time on my letters to my clients) which means that I help people with disabilities find work.

My specialty is in Serious Mental Illness and Intellectual Disabilities.  I'm very passionate about mental health and respect for those who have mental health issues.

I love Music and have had a calling in some music role pretty much since I was 12 years old, with a few months of break in between where I was still doing something music related.

I play the piano and try to sing.

I have severe anxiety, and I have depression.  I take medications that help but have some annoying side affects.  

My bachelor's is in History with a minor in Appalachian studies.  I love the mountains and would rather be in Southwest Virginia than anywhere else on earth.

I got my master's from West Virginia University and my bachelor's from Virginia Tech and I love both schools, but I will always be a Hokie.  In addition to coming from a Hokie family, I was at Virginia Tech during the April 16 massacre, which has strengthened my connection to VT even more.  

I love sports, especially college football and NASCAR, along with baseball, college basketball, and soccer.

I'm very involved politically and follow current events closely.

I have a cat that thinks he is a dog.  He fetches, loves water, and likes to snuggle.

I come from a big family with 6 kids, 5 living.  

And last but but most importantly, I have a testimony of Jesus Christ, I know that he lives, and my religion and my spirituality are the most important thing in my life.