I Know That My Redeemer Lives!

Several years ago I met a young man named Nathan while he served his mission in our small branch.  He was kind enough to share his beautiful voice with us and sang the same version of “I Know That My Redeemer Lives” during sacrament meeting one Sunday.  After his mission he returned to Utah and renewed his passion for flying, while continuing his passion for missionary work by regularly sharing portions of his testimony on social media.  Not too long after his mission he returned to the area and accompanied a couple from the Louisa branch as they were sealed in the temple. The last time I saw Nathan was in the Priesthood room on the top floor of the Washington D.C. Temple, smiling and friendly as ever.  I was able to speak with him briefly and share a hug as we were dressed in white in a celestial place, surrounded by loved ones.

Nathan was hired as a flight instructor for Southern Utah University on October 2, 2015.  Three days later he and another instructor were killed when their plane crashed just outside of Cedar City.  Many individuals from his mission were present at his funeral, and his former mission president shared the program online.  I noticed that one of his friends from the mission sang “I Know That My Redeemer Lives”, and after days of trying to grieve for someone who had left a small, albeit powerful, impact on my life I finally listened to this version of “I Know That My Redeemer Lives” on the way home from mutual one night.  As I heard the familiar tune and beautiful words I felt a simultaneously surge of grief and gratitude; I was crying for the tragic loss of such a strong young man and yet I was thankful for the atoning sacrifice of my Savior Jesus Christ, and the knowledge that His resurrection makes all others possible.

Despite having accompanied a myriad of individuals singing this song for more than 10 years, and sung it more times than I can begin to count, on this particular evening the third verse sank into my heart in a way that I it never had before.  

He lives and grants me daily breath.

He lives, and I shall conquer death.

He lives my mansion to prepare.

He lives to bring me safely there.

Because of Jesus Christ, we can conquer death.  He has prepared a place for us in exaltation, and we have to strive every day to be worthy to enter his presence.  Even though like Nathan, we may not safely make it to our next mortal destination, we can safely return to our Father in Heaven.  My last memory of Nathan being in the temple, I can easily imagine him safe with his Heavenly Father. I can easily imagine one day, being surrounding by loved ones and in a celestial place, being able to see my friend again.  

While contemplating various quotes to create our Easter program, I was constantly reminded of President Russell M. Nelson’s October 2016 General Conference talk entitled “Joy and Spiritual Survival”.  In conclusion I’d like to share a series of excerpts from this talk:

"My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.

"When the focus of our lives is on God’s plan of salvation, and Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives. Joy comes from and because of Him. He is the source of all joy.

"Just as the Savior offers peace that “passeth all understanding,” He also offers an intensity, depth, and breadth of joy that defy human logic or mortal comprehension. For example, it doesn’t seem possible to feel joy when your child suffers with an incurable illness or when you lose your job or when your spouse betrays you. Yet that is precisely the joy the Savior offers. His joy is constant, assuring us that our “afflictions shall be but a small moment” and be consecrated to our gain.

"Joy is powerful, and focusing on joy brings God’s power into our lives. As in all things, Jesus Christ is our ultimate exemplar, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross.” Think of that! In order for Him to endure the most excruciating experience ever endured on earth, our Savior focused on joy!

"And what was the joy that was set before Him? Surely it included the joy of cleansing, healing, and strengthening us; the joy of paying for the sins of all who would repent; the joy of making it possible for you and me to return home—clean and worthy—to live with our Heavenly Parents and families."

The One

For the past 2 years I have been learning sign language through a church class.  While I consider the teacher a friend I don't think that changes the situation in any shape or form.  There are others who come periodically and some who come for part of the class, but by and large I've been the only one who has consistently attended.  And often, I am the only one in the class.  But week after week, she still teaches; because it's her calling, because she's knowledgeable, and in my opinion because she's passionate and she cares enough to help others learn.

In St. Matthew chapter 18, Jesus taught that "...if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray?"

Do we really care about the one?  Do we group people together and make assumptions so as not to allow any thought?  Do we spend more time paying attention to attitude versus content?  Do we ignore feedback because we don't want to admit that we may have made a mistake?  Do we push our interpretation of policy over the importance of people?  Do we give up on teaching, on planning events because we don't think "the one" is worth it?

I think we do, myself included.  I am sincerely struggling right now with a situation where people who are supposed to care are, in my opinion, being extremely stubborn.  And I would know, I'm awfully familiar with that character flaw.  In fact is starting to come across as "us versus them" to the point where we are creating enemies where there must be friends.  

In the past few weeks I've watched this particular situation escalate to the point where I'm ready to remove myself completely.  As I've wrestled with this dilemma I vacillate between keeping my anxiety down by leaving and staying to show those who don't feel anyone cares that I care.  I still haven't made up my mind but I keep going back to the principle of the one.  

If I stay, and become extremely stressed and uncomfortable before an extremely stressful and uncomfortable chorale practice, would I possibly help the one?  Would my sitting beside someone, or telling them I'm happy to see them, change the way they feel? 

Or if I leave, do I help send the message that others aren't paying attention to the one?  Would my absence (noticed because of my forced musical responsibilities, not because of my own worth) signal that a change is needed?  Am I selfish for wanting be the one in this situation, the one who is leaving, the one who needs attention?

Yesterday, after giving a presentation to a particularly tough crowd, I was talking to my supervisor and started to worry that I created a tough crowd when others were presenting in our staff meetings.  To be honest we get a little goofy during staff meetings, so it's not likely, however I know I've been annoyed by visitors or people's comments before and I don't have a poker face outside of working directly with my clients.

It reminded me of the platinum rule:  treat others the way they want to be treated.  Am I obeying this?  Probably not.  

I unintentionally upset someone and apologized for the way I came across.  Their response?  "Well, it's good that you apologized."  Um.  So after I cried and resolved to stay away from her (the vacillation escalated at this point, in case you wanted to know), I started thinking about the way I would have responded.  There is no way I would ever say anything like that.  Ever.  

But I stay some dumb things, and I put my foot in my mouth on a regular basis.  So I'm resolving to be better. That's my new goal; to think about the one, to think about how others might feel from their interactions with me.  And to search out for the one, and focus on how I can return them to feeling the love they deserve.