Again it's late and I'm tired but unable to sleep. Last time it was due to bronchitis and a sinus infection, this time I have an "emergency" dental appointment crammed between two meetings at work tomorrow and I'm anxious.
I appreciate the comments and feedback I got from so many women about my last blog post. It's helpful for me to better understand what others in different situations go through, and how they interpret or view me and my situation.
So here's what I found: people are just rude. Shocking, right? But I was a history major, and I was taught to always ask "why".
Someone pointed out to me that when an individual can't control much about their life they may attempt to control others, or control small details that may seem asinine or trite to others. I needed to hear that after the email I received, as it helped me view the sender differently, and try to understand things from their perspective.
However, as humans we have a right to be treated with respect. After so many years of existence my agency as finally put in our "Rights and Responsibilities" that all clients have to sign at application a clause that states the client needs to behave appropriately in order to continue receiving services. In other words, if you cuss me out over the phone I have a right to end the conversation and not communicate with you again until you can speak appropriately.
Another comment I received mentioned how some tend to expect or even demand more of others when they feel those people have it all together. Which is a good point, and I would say to those who are demanding of others, everyone has a different definition of "having it all together".
I believe that it is often hard to say "no" to things when you're part of something, be it a family, a congregation, a company, or a community.
One of my favorite quotes come from H. Burke Peterson:
There are things for each of you to do that no one else can do as well as you. If you do not prepare to do them, they will not be done. Your mission is unique and distinctive for you. Please don't make another have to take your place. He or she can't do it as well as you can.
Again, I can't speak for everyone, but I know that for myself I often feel obligated to take on everything around me that isn't being done. Plus I'm a terrible delegator and a bit of a control freak, so I get overwhelmed when I should be sharing the love. But as usual I digress.
I think it's important to be in tune with the Spirit enough to know when things are your responsibility, and when you can help, and on the flip side realize when it's appropriate to let some things fall to others to take care of. The end of the quote really brings that home for me:
If you will let Him, I testify that our Father in Heaven will walk with you through the journey of life and inspire you to know your special purpose here.
I still don't know my special purpose here. I know some things, and when I'm living my life the right way I receive guidance to expand my knowledge and talents in a way to best serve God and my fellow man.
I recognize some of the talents I have already (yes, including music, you're all thinking it, admit it, but there are others, I promise), and have learned that many of the hardships I have faced in life prepared me to be a better counselor, a better teacher, a better sister, a better daughter, and a better friend. And maybe, one day, they'll make me a better wife and a better mother.
Regardless, as part of life I need to continue to walk the fine line of being a help to those around me and not letting myself become the help to those who take me for granted.
Another talent- writer! You express your thoughts so clearly and eloquently.
ReplyDeleteI had an experience a few years ago when someone at church made a "helpful" criticism on something one of my children was wearing and it really bothered me a lot. I knew that it was my choice to be offended, and that we should love one another, but I was really struggling, so I prayed about it.
I felt impressed to put myself in that person's shoes. The thought came into my mind- "Would I ever say something like that to someone?" My honest answer was a resounding, "NO!" It was obnoxious and unnecessary. Then I thought, "What would make someone say something like that?" And just like you said, I knew it was because they wanted some measure of control, because they wanted to feel superior. Which meant that they felt like they did not have control and they felt inferior.
And that was when the truth was revealed that has served me as a mantra for those emotional bullies: When someone says something rude or hurtful, or speaks (or writes) to you in a rude or hurtful way, it says nothing about who you are, but it speaks volumes about them. I know the truth about myself- in the case of that individual, I knew that I was a good mom- and that their words had nothing to do with me.
Seeing it in that way let me view the person with compassion, but I also knew from past experience that this was the way this person operated, and I knew that to perpetuate a friendship with this person was poisonous to me. So, without ill feelings, I distanced myself from this individual. I can love them from afar, and I can be kind and polite when our paths cross, but it doesn't mean I have to put myself at their mercy. And if the situation ever arises again that they throw their poison darts my way, I can duck. :-)